When I was six my Mum and I went on a residential course run by a woman named Denise Linn. Denise is of Cherokee descent and has learned from tribal and first nation elders around the world. She is an extraordinary woman and has shaped huge parts of my life.
It wasn’t a course for parents and children, it was an adult course that my single mother brought me along to, and that I embraced with a child’s innocence, imagination, and belief. It was easy to believe what Denise was teaching, it felt natural to embrace the power of the four elements, medicine wheels, and more. As I grew up the ease with which I once believed was lost, I doubted, I changed, I questioned if it was ok to believe or if it was appropriation, if I was allowed to call these first nation beliefs my own. I am only just starting to come back to these teachings, to once again embrace all the things I walled away.
Among the teachings on that first course was the concept of the Totem Animals, or animal spirit guides. Denise is powerful and her guided mediations are amazing. Add to that the vivid imagination of a fully engaged six-year-old and the results of the meditation to find my totem animal were incredible and long lasting. I met my wolf totem that day, he was cub, and he was so real I could feel his fur beneath my hands. He has grown since, grown as I grew, but he is as important to me today as he was then. He is also the only part of my beliefs that I never doubted.
In Native teachings the Wolf is the path finder, the forerunner of new ideas, the teacher. Wolves are connected to the moon, to the unconscious, to wisdom, to the twilight. Wolf is the epitome of the wild spirit. The meaning of Wolf is varied and powerful. To fully understand it one must learn about the animal itself. Â Wolves are part of a family yet retain their individualism. Wolves are loyal, friendly, social, and highly intelligent. Wolves are essential to the survival of the natural world in which they live.
Unsurprisingly wolves are my favourite animal. I adore them. I have also wanted one since I came back to myself from the guided mediation all those years ago. I’ve always known I would never have one, even if I could. They are wild animals and should be free. But that didn’t stop me dreaming, nor does it stop me from embracing the next best thing: a dog that looks like one.
A few weeks ago, just before my birthday, Mum and I went to meet Callie and her wonderful dogs Oreo and Takaya. They are Tamaskans, and they are beyond beautiful. Oreo is due to go into heat anytime time now and will be having her first litter of pups. We went to meet them to decide if I was going to share my life with one of those pups. It’s a huge decision but in the end, despite all the pros and cons, all the what-ifs and fears, all the unknowns and unknowable’s, it was an easy choice to make. When Oreo has her litter, one of them will be mine.
My van life, and the life it leads to, will be lived while walking with a wolf in spiritual realm and a wolfie dog in the physical one. It is a path I knew I was meant to walk aged six, and at thirty-six I’m making it happen. I genuinely cannot wait.
I wish I could walk with you!