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Does anyone else here feel better when they fidget, or doodle, or twiddle, or stim? Do you think better? Relax more easily? Feel more present in yourself? More able to listen, to learn, to engage? I know I certainly do, and always have. From childhood to today I have twirled my hair, played with my jewellery, clicked my pens, knotted and unknotted the tassels on my scarves. The list goes on.
When I was at school, right through to university, and was bored in class or lectures I used to doodle in my books. It wasn’t because I had stopped listening, rather it was a way to keep listening. Sometimes I would draw on my arms, or bag, or shoes. I don’t remember if fidget toys were really a thing when I was at school, but I do know that many of the things’ kids are now given in schools as fidget toys used to sit on my desk at home and be played with while doing homework or writing undergraduate essays.
Lumps of blue tac or plasticine kept me just as happy in class as doodling did, shaping and reshaping them. I’m very good an making perfect mini blue tac cubes. It was never a problem, I knew why I did it and I did it so shyly, so quietly, so unobtrusively, that teachers and lecturers didn’t really notice it happening. Or at least they never said anything. And so, I have quietly fidgeted my way through the tough moments.
For those who are wondering what fidgeting or stimming, or twiddling mean, they are essentially different words for similar things. They are all useful coping mechanisms that can help a person regulate and feel a sense of control over situations that might cause anxiety. Fidgeting is generally smaller movements or actions, while stimming (which is shorthand for self-stimulatory behaviour) tend to be more intense, noticeable actions. They are often repetitive, and often sensory in some way or another.
As I’ve grown older and am less likely to find myself bored in class (though it’s not impossible and I still doodle my way through bits of conferences that don’t hold my interest) the need to fidget hasn’t gone away. Rather, it has transformed. I found things that would transmute directionless fidgeting into something with purpose. Perhaps the most obvious of these was learning to knit. I knit during many of the moments in my life I might otherwise fidget, be it on a train or in front of the TV. As a result, not only do I feel more relaxed, but I also have a new scarf, or jumper, or gift for a loved one.
It turns out that fidgeting with purpose it utterly brilliant and helps me far more than any fidget toy or doodle ever has.
Sadly, one can’t always travel with ones knitting, but thanks to Caroline Ross and her introducing me to rags, nettle fibres, and cording, I now have an even more amazing, and less obtrusive, way to twiddle, to regulate, and to create.
I am far from the first person to find knitting, ragging, or cording an invaluable tool for creativity and self regulation. My sister tells me that the English poet and translator Elizabeth Carter, a famous intellect of her time, would attend salons while knotting (similar to ragging or knitting). She used it as a way of creating space for herself, mind and body, in a world where women weren’t widely accepted. I can easily imagine the powerful benefits, the camouflage, the sense of calm it would bring, and the space it would have created in her mind for creative thought.
Because, for me, that’s what it’s all about really. As time has gone on, I’ve realised that fidgeting, and all that encompasses, is a vital part of my creativity. It is easily the piece of my art practice I have been working on the longest. Whether it is doodling, or cording, or something else, fidgeting engages my hands, calms my body, and focuses my mind. Sometimes the fidget is the end point in itself, and sometimes, like with my nettle fibre cording, I know instantly that it will become part of my art.
Whatever the purpose, whatever the form, whatever the outcome, whatever the need that drives it, there is a fundamental power that comes from fidgeting, and I am grateful that I can harness it in my life. If that means I share a little something with someone as incredible as Elizabeth Carter, all the better.
What’s your favourite way to fidget? Tell me in the comments below…
As my mom would always say, “Twist yarn instead of your hair.” So some type of fiber manipulation (depending on how portable it is - weaving, knitting, tatting, embroidery) is my go to.
I love this. Especially in relation to how many people dismiss ‘stimming’ as a waste of time and energy or as a social interference. This repositioning speaks directly to each being’s need for quiet, regulatory, solitary processing in order to truly be present. Beautiful and important writing, Rosie