‘I wish this day would have never come’
Those words were written by Rafael Nadal on Thursday afternoon. Even before I read them, they had been echoing in my mind, for I too wish this day had never come.
Roger Federer is retiring from professional tennis. He announced his retirement via social media on Thursday with a beautiful and moving statement. Federer’s retirement isn’t a shock. I’ve been expecting it for years. Waiting for it. Hoping that somehow it would never come.
But here it is, as inevitable as the ageing that caused it. I feel stupid for being this sad. I’ve cried so many times since Thursday. I have articles from newspapers around the world open on my phone, but I can’t bring myself to read them, I’m not ready yet.
I have loved Roger Federer for 21 years. I fell for him the day he beat Pete Sampras at Wimbledon, and my love has only grown with everything he has achieved, everything he became, everything he is. Loving Roger Federer, being a Federer fan, is one of the great honours of my life.
So much has been written about Roger Federer, his records, he life, his family, his charity, his game. My favourite is the aptly titled- Roger Federer as Religious Experience, written by novelist, essayist, and tennis fan David Foster Wallace, and published in the New York Times in 2006. It is a beautiful read, but the title alone tells you more than enough about Federer. There are few players in history who have meant so much to tennis, and fewer sports professionals who have transcended their sport the way Federer did. He made tennis better, bigger, more popular. He made the game more exciting and achieved seemingly impossible heights. He became more than a sport star, he became and example and inspiration.
Arguments about who the G.O.A.T is (Greatest of All Time) will continue unabated, records will be considered, statistics trotted out, and Federer’s name will remain part of the conversation forever. For me, and for so many other Federer fans, there is no argument. He simply is THE G.O.A.T. But it isn’t because of his records, many of which are already broken, or what he did for the sport we love. It is because of how he made us feel. This feeling is an intangible thing, one that can’t be measured or quantified, but it is deeply real.
The first time I saw Federer play live at Wimbledon I had been queueing for 4 days. I was tired, sunburnt, and smiling so hard my face hurt. This was a moment I had dreamt of. Roger Federer on Centre Court. When the match was over, and Federer had walked off the winner, I went to the toilet and locked myself in a cubicle to cry. I sat there for so long, gently weeping, that I missed the start of Serena Williams’ match.
My tears weren’t sadness or joy, they weren’t exhaustion or relief. My tears were the same ones I’ve cried at the sight of Uluru or Parc Güell, the same as those that slip down my face in front of works of art, or for the finest literature. I cried for the pure beauty of what I had just witnessed: the most beautiful tennis in history. Roger Federer played like no one else, and it made us feel something special, the way only true beauty can. Tennis can never be technically perfect. Federer’s tennis was far from perfect, but it was perfectly beautiful, aesthetically and physically.
The role of beauty and aesthetics in sport is hard to understand and harder still to quantify, but it is very real. One day I will write an essay about it, and in doing so perhaps I will be able to fully explain what Federer means to me. Every other time I’ve tried, including right now, the words I type come up short of really expressing my feelings.
In failing to fully express my love, I also fail to express what his retirement means. And so, I will have to once again quote Rafa: ‘I wish this day would have never come’. Sadly, it has. It is here and it hurts. That half expected final Federer miracle will never come. I never took a moment of watching Federer for granted, for which I am grateful. I have felt the greatest joys, the deepest pains, and the purest beauty watching Roger Federer. At the end of his retirement statement Federer wrote:
‘And to the game of tennis, I love you and will never leave you.’
And so to Federer I say this:
Thank You Roger. I will never stop loving you or being you fan. Thank you for the art, the beauty, and the emotional roller coaster. Thank you for everything.