Finding meaning in the floor...

I sat in my van yesterday evening, the back doors wide open, the sun steaming in. I had been fighting with the floor for a few hours so everything was covered in saw dust. As I leant against the wall, I realised suddenly and in a bone deep way, that I was sitting in my own home.

There is no sign yet that this little van of mine is going to be a home but sitting there with the Autumn sun on my face, it felt like one and in that moment, there was no place I’d rather have been sitting.

In the hours prior, as I’d struggled to pry out rusted screws and sawed the floor to pieces bit by bit, I’d realised that every stage of this process is rife with metaphor and meaning. That isn’t surprising, considering I’m building both a home and a life, but I think it’s important. It seems to me that each new meaning stems from something within me rather than from the van and is therefore worth taking time over.

The floor has been a struggle to get up because it’s so well made. The wood is high quality and fitted perfectly, covered in the best possible spray on polyurethane that had seamlessly adhered to every surface. At first glance it seems ideal and a waste to destroy it. But like so many things that seem like they should be just what I want in life, it wasn’t actually right. Because while it might have made sturdy, it was missing some essential details.

In pulling it up and putting in the effort to take out what was already there I can now build something better. A floor that is as sturdy, but is also insulated, a colour that makes me happy, and built specially to be the foundation for the home I want.

What could be better than spending my days standing on something that keeps me warm, happy, and strong. Something I built just for me.

And what lesson could be more worth learning than allowing myself to build what I need rather than accepting something that isn’t quite good enough just because change can be hard work.

The floor is mostly up now, and incredibly there is almost no rust to be found which is going to make the next stage that bit easier. I feel like I’ve taken a massive step towards actually getting to start building, rather than simply preparing. It’s an extraordinary feeling and I can’t wait to get back to work.

Before and after, bathed in the evening autumn sun.

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