Farewell Finn, I will always love you.
Heartbreak and Impossible Choices
Hi and Welcome to A Nomadic Rose! If you’ve found your way here but are not yet subscribed, you can do so HERE. You will never miss a letter, and I’ll be eternally grateful for your support.
Now on to this week’s musings…
This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to write.
I have had to rehome Finn. He left today to spend the rest of his life with a lovely sounding couple up north who have stepped up to offer him a new forever home. I am so incredibly grateful to them for giving my beloved boy a family.
This has been an impossible choice to make. One I do not take lightly, nor did I make quickly. For many months now I have tried everything I could, from working with the best dog trainer I could find to adapting and compromising much of my life to help Finn be safe and happy.
Eventually I had to accept that it wasn’t working. I had run out of options, run out of compromises and changes I could make. Finn has become increasingly nervous around other dogs, to the point of fear-based aggressive responses. His size, which is so perfect for so much (particularly hugs) has left him struggling in the space I have to offer him. He has training requirements I do not have the skills for. Inside the house we are calm, happy, and loving together. Outside we both so highly alert and tense that I was making everything worse rather than better. We are trying to protect each other and it isn’t working.
I have reached the limit of my abilities and Finn is no longer happy.
Long time readers of A Nomadic Rose, and those of you who know me personally, will know I have dreamt of sharing my life with a dog like Finn since I was six years old. I saved and researched for years. I climbed into the puppy pen only weeks after he was born. I loved him from the moment I picked him up and held him in my arms. Choosing to bring Finn home with me, I knew it would be a challenge, but I believed it was one I could rise to. Heart wrenchingly, it has become clear that, no matter the bond between us or the love we feel, I cannot offer him the life he needs. And so, I have made the most painful decision of my life.
Getting Finn was supposed to lead us both to a wonderful adventure and an endlessly big life. Instead, our lives have become smaller and more boxed in with every passing day. It is cruel to him. I love him so deeply but keeping him would be the most selfish and self-destructive thing I could do. For his future and mine, I am choosing to break my own heart. He needs somewhere he can be safe and joyous. Somewhere with more space around him, and someone who has the training experience to help him fulfil his incredible potential.
I will miss him every day and hold him in my heart for the rest of my life. Sharing this time with him, despite all the complexities, has been so tender and loving. He is extraordinary, and I am honoured to have spent a year with him.
I will try my best to live the biggest life I can in his honour. And I will pray to all the universal powers that he gets to do the same.
I love you Finn, and I always will.
So sad. So brave. All love