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Now on to this week’s musings…
It is a blessing to be truly known by someone, and an honour to truly know someone in return. To see and be seen. To be safe to speak about everything from the silly to the deeply personal. To trust and be trusted. This sort of relationship needs time to grow, but it is also an active choice.
Over the bank holiday weekend, Lauren, one of my oldest friends came to visit and to meet Finn. We have known each other since we were little. We have shared a life from childhood to adulthood. The intimacy of our relationship is one we built upon a foundation of imaginary games and sleepovers. As adults we chose to keep talking, keep sharing, keep imagining, keep dreaming together and for each other. Lauren is as essentially important to my life as my sister.
Having Lauren come to Cornwall for four days was an absolute treat. It wasn’t her first visit, but it was the longest. With so many days came the chance to move between exploring and relaxing, and the opportunity to dive deep into an endless flow of conversation.
We visited Tremenheere Sculpture Garden, went to the Barbara Hepworth Museum, and ate Moomaid ice cream in St Ives. We watched movies (Coco and Encanto because Pixar and Disney remain awesome no matter your age), baked chocolate and damson brownie, and did a Tarot reading. We walked the dogs through the community orchard, tied prayers to the Cloutie Tree at Sancreed Holy Well, and visited Mên-an-Tol. We edited my photographs from the Zennor Wildfire, because who better to help in this impossibly tough job than a trusted friend who also happens to have a doctorate in art and design history.
And, as we did all that, we talked. We talked as we baked. We talked as I drove her around for the first time. We talked as we walked. We talked while relaxing at home. Extended days meant our conversations had time to meander, to weave together, to be put down and picked back up. We had the chance to share new things and revisit old. Over four days, we left no corner of conversation un-had. We could have kept talking for days, even weeks more. I know this to be true because we’ve had our lifetimes so far, and we have yet to run out of things to say.
As time passes, we actually find more to talk about, deeper avenues to follow, new questions to ask and new answers to listen to. Lauren asks the best questions and listens beautifully. She also offers incredible advice. Because that’s the thing about being truly known by someone. Lauren knows just what to ask, and just what I need to hear. She has a deep and personal knowledge of me from which to draw. I suppose in some situations that kind of knowledge could feel exposing, even dangerous. In Lauren’s hands it feels safe, useful, and loving.
Lauren left on Tuesday morning; I drove her to the station which is still new enough to be exciting. My mind and heart are full of the joy of sharing some of my special places in this far end of Cornwall, the pleasure of watching Finn and Lauren fall in love, the delight at dancing together in the kitchen as we baked. Each moment is a new shared memory to add to an already rich tapestry.
I am also renewed, steadied, and inspired by our conversations. I feel blessed and honoured and strong. Above all I feel deeply lucky to have such an incredible woman as a friend and conversation partner. Some of our conversations explored what I am dreaming of and planning for in the coming months and even years. With Laurens words in my mind and heart I feel ready to keep going, to keep working, and to keep dreaming. The time taken by working at Tate and caring for a puppy has pushed some of the other aspects of my life to one side. These four days have helped bring them back to me. We shall see where that takes me over the next few weeks. Until then, I hope you have the chance for some wonderful conversations of your own.