An Artists Reality

I didn’t work on the van this week.

I did an arts funding application instead.

There is a vision of life as an artist, in which we sit in amazing studio spaces, surrounded by half completed work and curious items, spending our days creating art. It’s not entirely wrong as an idea, but it isn’t entirely right either. Because to do that, to have that space and make that imagined work, one needs funding. And that isn’t easy.

I spend much of my time searching for funding opportunities, filling out application forms, dealing with the emotional fall out that comes with an application being rejected, and then picking myself up to start the process all over again. It isn’t nearly as glamorous or as fun as spending one’s days in a studio making art, but it is an essential part of being an artist.

It is also one I have had to teach myself, fumbling about in the dark with vague guidelines and no feedback to help me.

At the start of this year, I wrote four applications in the space of two months. Each one can take weeks. None of them were successful. That’s ok, every application is a long shot. The issue is that to complete a funding application you must first work out every minor detail of the proposed project. You need a timeline, the budget, and perfectly written answers within extremely limited character counts. And so, as a result of applying for help, I go from an idea I am fond of to one I love and know intimately.

When the “No” comes back, that love makes the disappointment and heartbreak all the harsher, and harder to get over before I am able to try again. But try again I must. When I saw an opportunity for funding coupled with mentorship and an exhibition, I knew I had to put aside the van work.

Which was tough to do because funding applications are boring. Boring to write, boring the fill in, just generally boring. Which means they end up taking more time than they really should. After all, it’s hard to focus when bored and full of doubt. Thankfully, I had Cape Cornwall and some incredible gardens to help me. A visit to the sea pool, to the sculptures of Tremenheere, and to the tree ferns of Trewidden, helped bring bright spots of nature’s splendour to my week. These glorious places rewarded my efforts and offered relief from days in front of the laptop. They helped me continue beyond the boredom. They helped me press submit.

So now I have a funding application out in the world. A spots of hope and a potential routes to change my career. I should find out about the outcome by the end of Oct. I’ve gotten good at waiting, and thankfully I have a floor to distract me. One I really am going to pull up this week, just you wait!