I have been struggling to get into the van. Throughout my education and career as an artist there have been days when I’ve woken up without a creative bone in my body. Sometimes there is a reason for this, sometimes there isn’t. I’ve learned to recognise these days and accept them, no matter how frustrating they are. I’ve learned to do something else, anything but bang my head against the creative block: go to a gallery, hike, read, do admin.
It’s been like that with the van for the last few weeks. I’ve woken up and known somewhere deep inside, that working in the van was a bad idea, that I didn’t have the imagination or the resilience for it. It’s been deeply frustrating, and the longer it’s gone on the more I’ve struggled with it. I’ve had the van for over a year now and I want to cook a meal in it, spend a night it, open the doors and look at a new view. The longer it takes to build, the further away those dreams become.
A part of me wanted to ignore my own knowing, to get into the van anyway, to force these feelings to away. But I didn’t. I know from experience how futile that is, and so I have been patient. I have gone to Plymouth to see an exhibit, I’ve walked Gem, I’ve dug in the garden, and I have made notebooks.
It has been a long time since I sat down to make notebooks. It is an activity that brings me a huge amount of pleasure. In Venice earlier this year I treated myself to gorgeous paper for notebook covers, slipping it away unused and unwrapped when I got home, no time to bind with The Seagrass Walk to build. Getting it out and transforming it into notebooks has been a peaceful and joyous experience. I’ve mixed in a few upcycled book covers, some music sheet paper, and a few different sizes. Now I find myself with a stack of gorgeous books to stitch together and a question of what to do with them all.
As it is almost the holiday season and gift giving is better with arts, crafts, and the homemade, I have decided the wisest plan is to sell them. I will have them all completed by the end of this week and will send out the full details of what available then. But if you want to reserve one now or find out more details just leave a comment or email me.
Thankfully my book binding meditation and patience with myself seems to have paid off. I woke up the other morning and could feel the excitement for my van returning. My resilience strengthening, my imagination firing. Seizing the moment, I wrapped up warm and spent the afternoon building the stud frame for my bench seat. It was a joy to smell saw dust and measure timber again. Hopefully I will get more build this week. There is a kitchen to create.
Wish me luck.